are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
