Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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