the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
smell my finger.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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