he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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