Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
