I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
