our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
porn star boner night. come get it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
