i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
