Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
