i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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