He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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