Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
