I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
