Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
