I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
