Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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