I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
