he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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