I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
