This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
