I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
