he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
