I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You ruined the universe
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
