Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
