I'm lost and stupid without you.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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