There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
