is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
