i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
