On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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