Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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