pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
