have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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