She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
