She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
