she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
