No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
