I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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