remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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