White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
