Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
