No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
