He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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