just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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