my vag is so smooth its legendary
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
