he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
