I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
