i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
