Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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