I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
