is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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