hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
