Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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