Pants 0. Shit 1.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
